Breaking out of the loop

Lillehammer Stadium

Well, after my arduous travel from Finland to Norway I was tempted to take my last post down. I don’t like to appear vulnerable but the trip I wrote about clearly illustrated my liabilities. My diabetes can throw me a curve ball at any time. I either have to roll with the punches or fall flat. In my last draft I even mentioned giving up which is a thought that I only have when under the influence of what I call “short term diabetic depression.” The cause for me is simple. I get depressed when there is not enough sugar in my brain to think straight. The fact that I am low is also depressing as I know that it is a massive and damaging stress to my body. The combination forms a loop that leaves me irritable and sad until I stabilize my glucose for several hours. Once I level off, I look back on the time I was depressed as though I was different person.
Having gone low two days ago was unfortunate. I can’t help but wonder if it may take a critical spring from my step this weekend but I have no choice but to continue my race preparation as I otherwise would. Yesterday I went for a very slow two and half hour skate on the Birke trail with Noah and Andy. It was easily the best ski of the year so far. To give you an idea of the pace, my average heart rate was 95 and Noah’s was 102. In the afternoon I ran around the Lillehammer neighborhood for a few miles and then did a Podcast yoga class with Liz and Matt.
I woke up this morning feeling very positive and my body felt good. I skied 2 hours on the ridiculously windy new 5k race course. I did one lap at L3 and was satisfied with how my body responded to the effort. It snowed almost four inches during my ski which made for tricky and changing wax. Will stayed on top of it though and I was happy with how my skis were running.
This afternoon I will take another yoga class as I try to live in the moment. Focusing on the past will not get me anywhere. When I am thinking clearly that is easy to see.

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